Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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