I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
