I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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