M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
