I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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