You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
