i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
