1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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