my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
