its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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