watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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