I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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