I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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