I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
