words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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