She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
