nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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