I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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