John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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