so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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