So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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