take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
