So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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