Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
