she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
