His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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