why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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