and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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