so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
