So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
