omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
it glows. i had to have it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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