were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
