Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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