We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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