There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
