Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
