hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You're like the curious george of whores
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
