I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
