So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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