I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
