Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
