i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
