Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
