So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
