I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
