If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She bit a glass in half.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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