Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
