And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
