Have you finally orgasmed yet?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
