just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
